How far is too far with bondage?

With the 50 Shades of Grey trailer released this week and an opening date set for Valentine’s Day 2015 we thought it would be a good time to talk about bondage. If any of you have read the books you will remember that bondage is a theme that features quite heavily, and in a couple of places it looks like it’s going to go too far – but how far is too far?

Well there are as many answers to that question as there are people who would like to try bondage, it’s all very subjective and very much down to personal preference. The broad answer is when one of the people involved says that they want to stop; it’s only right that their wishes are respected, bondage is after all, supposed to be fun.

If you are thinking of trying bondage for the first time there are some things that need to be in place and some rules you need to bear in mind:

1. Both parties must be in agreement – it’s not fun if both of you are not into it, or at least willing to experiment, if your partner states a firm no then it probably needs to be taken off the table or modifications made to what you are proposing. For example some people are OK with the thought of being tied up but not blindfolded, and for some anything approaching anal is a deal breaker – that’s why you need to….
2. Agree some boundaries – in 50 Shades of Grey boundaries are agreed before the lead characters first start engaging in bondage and punishment. You need to set the boundaries before the handcuffs go on and the whip comes out and those boundaries need to be respected, even if one party wants to take things further. If you want to take things beyond the original boundaries, perhaps as you gain more experience or figure out exactly what you like doing/having done to you, then this needs to be discussed.
3. The subservient party must trust their partner – a huge element of bondage involves trust. One of you will be the more subservient and so will need to feel confident that their partner will not only keep within the boundaries, but will respect and genuine requests to slow down or stop completely.
4. If you don’t feel safe or if it’s not something you want to do then don’t do it – as with anything when it comes to sex, don’t be pressured into something that you don’t want to do. We think that it’s fun but you might not, it’s OK to say no.

This all sounds really heavy but by having these discussions beforehand you can really let loose and have some fun. We are so glad that 50 Shades of Grey has opened up this world and given people a better understanding of how much fun bondage can be! If you haven’t read the books yet then you should – they really give a great insight into a fetish that a lot of us are curious about but too scared to try.