In my 20s I was just getting into the rhythm when it came to sex, or so I thought! This blog may read like it’s coming a bit more from a woman’s point of view, but as its being written by a woman that’s probably not a big surprise.
Now I’m in in my 30s I look back and think that things would have been so much better if I’d just known the following:
- It’s about both partners – the whole point of sex (reproduction aside) is to have fun and enjoy yourself whilst making sure that your partner is too, sounds like a hard juggling act doesn’t it! Don’t get so preoccupied with your lover’s enjoyment that you forget to have some of your own, the ironic thing is, they are thinking in the same way (or they should be), they want you to enjoy yourself so why not fulfil that wish.
- Don’t worry about having the lights on – this is what I meant when I said that this blog may read as a woman’s point of view! Ladies, stop worrying about what your body looks like during the throws of passion, and for goodness sake, leave the lights on sometimes – it’s great to be able to see how mad you are driving your partner. Do you really think that the other person is going to be thinking ‘I can’t possibly carry on with this – I’m sure I spotted a fat roll/cellulite/rouge hair’ (delete as appropriate)? No, they are going to be thinking – ‘this is amazing, there’s actually someone who wants to get naked with me’.
- Let go – part of the joy of sex, in fact most of the joy of sex, comes from letting go. This follows on from both points one and two, the more you let go of your inhibitions and worrying about what your lover is thinking, the better things get – trust me!
- Experiment – the only way you are going to find out what gets you going the most is by experimenting, whether that’s on your own, or with your partner or trusted fuck buddy. Experiment with food, sex toys, dressing up, having sex in every room of the house. If you find something that’s not for you, at least you’ve tried it and you know.
- Don’t fake it – not to put too fine a point on it but….faking it is a waste of time….how is your partner ever going to become the perfect lover for you if you fake your orgasms? It didn’t do Miranda any good in Sex and the City and it won’t do you any good either. Remember my earlier point, your partner wants you to have a good time, it’s OK to teach them how!
- Having an orgasm isn’t the only sign she’s having a good time – this sounds like a contradiction to my earlier point, but if she doesn’t have an orgasm through penetrative sex, and a lot of women do struggle with that, that doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy herself. If she doesn’t have an orgasm, offer to help her get there in other ways, it might be time to bring in the bullet vibrator!
- One for the girls – buy a vibrator! I didn’t get my first vibrator until I was in my late 20s….personally I think every woman should be given a vibrator on their 18th birthday! They are brilliant, whether you are on your own, or with a partner!
Is there anything that you know about sex now that you wish you’d known about in your 20s? We would love to hear about it!
